The question trick
When giving feedback on complex material and finding something unexpected, there are almost always two alternative explanations.
The one to first come to mind is often This is wrong!. The other one, easy to miss, is a parallel path of I am missing important information.
Before I know what the case is, I try to act as if the cat is both dead and alive at the same time. Both options are true and false. It keeps the door open for different scenarios, and have respect for the competence in the person receiving feedback.
Take a code review as an example, where I encounter some asynchronicity. that looks like it would cause a race condition.
Lets look at the alternative conversations.
-
I am correct and don’t ask questions
- Race condition, fix it!.
- Oh, thank you for spotting. I knew I had to fix it, but forgot.
-
I am correct and phrase it as a question
- This looks like something that could cause a race condition. Or is there anything I am missing?
- Oh, thank you for spotting. I knew I had to fix it, but forgot.
-
I am wrong and don’t ask questions
- Race condition, fix it!.
- This part of the data is immutable now. You must have worked with the other team the week we changed that. Good I got to tell you!
-
I am wrong and phrase it as a question
- This looks like something that could cause a race condition. Or is there anything I am missing?
- This part of the data is immutable now. You must have worked with the other team the week we changed that. Good I got to tell you!
The tone shifts a lot depending on how the first sentence is phrased. And the difference is clearest when the reviewer is wrong.
There is a risk of not sounding sincere in the question, then it won’t work. People who are underestimated might seem ignorant rather than humble. That has to be taken into account.
The next time you give feedback, phrase it so that the conversation can flow also when you are wrong.
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